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Old 01-09-2018, 06:15 PM   #1201
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A mama mole, a papa mole and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day, the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the 2 bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Jeez, all I can smell is.....
..... molasses!"


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Old 01-09-2018, 11:00 PM   #1202
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A circus owner runs an ad for a "lion tamer wanted" and two people show up.

One is a retired golfer in his seventies, the other a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a great body in her twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.

"Here's your equipment -- a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The gorgeous brunette says, "I'll go first."

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.

The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.

As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat, revealing her beautiful, perfect naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss every inch of her body for several minutes, then lays down and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor!! He says, "That's amazing! I've never seen anything like that in my life!"

He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies, "Possibly... but you've got to get that lion out of there first."


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Old 01-10-2018, 02:54 PM   #1203
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A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Shucks, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
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Old 01-11-2018, 06:56 PM   #1204
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Old 01-11-2018, 10:29 PM   #1205
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My grandfather is from Minnesota. He said one day, he woke up, got out of bed, stuck a snow shovel under his arm and walked straight south until someone asked him what it was. That's his story of moving to Oklahoma
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Old 01-16-2018, 02:54 PM   #1206
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Old 01-16-2018, 04:38 PM   #1207
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Old Yesterday, 01:38 PM   #1208
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Q: Who invented Copper wire?

A: Two attorneys , fighting over the last penny.


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