Screwed?
Jokes
- Thread starter Floorist
- Start date
Help Support Flooring Forum - DIY & Professional:
We have a winner.
Ron Jeremy. porn actor
REALLY
He was in a video that Havasu sent us.
He’s in jail now
To think all that he got he had to fool with the wrong ones.
I have watched some porn when I was younger, but never him.
A grandma writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper..
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love,
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper..
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love,
The Hawaiian good luck sign. 
Bubba saw a woman drop her purse this morning so he quickly followed her.
He was just about to tap her on the shoulder when she started running for a bus.
Bubba ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse!
You dropped your purse!”
She didn’t hear him and proceeded to get onto the bus, so Bubba got on the bus too.
As he walked to the back of the bus, he breathlessly said, “You dropped your purse on the floor outside McDonald’s.”
“Thank you so much,” she said, “Where is it?”
Bubba said, “I’ve just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s.”
He was just about to tap her on the shoulder when she started running for a bus.
Bubba ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse!
You dropped your purse!”
She didn’t hear him and proceeded to get onto the bus, so Bubba got on the bus too.
As he walked to the back of the bus, he breathlessly said, “You dropped your purse on the floor outside McDonald’s.”
“Thank you so much,” she said, “Where is it?”
Bubba said, “I’ve just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s.”
If he farts, seeds everywhere.
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot
> and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other
> side of a fence.
>
> As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on
> his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
>
> The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field,
> and now I'm going to retrieve it."
>
> The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
> over here."
>
> The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in
> New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and
> take everything you own."
>
> The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
> settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements
> like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
>
> The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
>
> The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I
> get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three
> times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
>
> The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided
> that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the
> local custom.
>
> The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to
> the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed
> work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
> His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing
> from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third
> kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
>
> The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and
> very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm
> of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
>
> (I love this part)
>
>
> The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
> and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other
> side of a fence.
>
> As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on
> his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
>
> The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field,
> and now I'm going to retrieve it."
>
> The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
> over here."
>
> The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in
> New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and
> take everything you own."
>
> The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
> settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements
> like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
>
> The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
>
> The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I
> get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three
> times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
>
> The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided
> that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the
> local custom.
>
> The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to
> the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed
> work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
> His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing
> from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third
> kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
>
> The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and
> very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm
> of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
>
> (I love this part)
>
>
> The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
