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DarisMulkin

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Floorist

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concealed carry.png
 

Dan

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“There has been a wild Forest Man seen in the forest. He has little beady red eyes, and hair all over. Be careful, he might be dangerous”​

The old farmer shrugged and continued with his farm.​

About an hour later, the farmer spotted a very hairy man, with little beady red eyes hiding behind a bush at the edge of the forest.​

At first, the farmer was worried for his life, but noticed how this forest man did not move, but just stared at the farmer.​

The farmer thought maybe this forest man is not dangerous, maybe he could make friends with him.​

The farmer cautiously approached the forest man (who was still hiding behind the bush), pointed at his farm and said “farm”, he points at himself and said “farmer” then pointed at his hoe and said “farming”.​

The forest man did not move.​

The old farmer got a little closer to him, and again, pointed at his farm and said “farm”, pointed at himself and said “farmer”, then pointed at his hoe and said “farming”.​

The forest man remained behind his bush.​

The old farmer, feeling bold, got even closer and repeated with his actions “farm”, “farmer”, “farming”.​

This time the forest man got up and pointed at the forest behind him and said “forest”, he pointed at himself and said “forest man”, he pointed at the bush and said​

“taking a sh!t”.​

 

Floorist

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The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
 

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