Incognito this is for you.
Jokes
- Thread starter Floorist
- Start date
Help Support Flooring Forum - DIY & Professional:
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Those two should split the difference.
Naw the one on the left is perfectly fine.
Yeah but the one on the right can prolly hold her liquor better.
Who cares, I can hold the one on the left better and has better saddle horns to hang onto.
driftinwoods
Well-Known Member
Rusty's house
driftinwoods
Well-Known Member
Runaway boy
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father.
He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced: “I’m running away from home!”
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically.
“What if you get hungry?” he asked.
“Then I’ll come home and eat”, the child bravely declared.
“And what if you run out of money?”, inquired the father.
“I will come home and get some”, replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt: “What if your clothes get dirty?”
“Then I’ll come home and let mommy wash them”, was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed: “This kid is not running away from home; he’s just going off to college!”
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father.
He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced: “I’m running away from home!”
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically.
“What if you get hungry?” he asked.
“Then I’ll come home and eat”, the child bravely declared.
“And what if you run out of money?”, inquired the father.
“I will come home and get some”, replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt: “What if your clothes get dirty?”
“Then I’ll come home and let mommy wash them”, was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed: “This kid is not running away from home; he’s just going off to college!”
When I was young I remember telling my mom I was gonna run away. She replied with ‘Good, I’ll help you pack’. Talk about taking the wind outta your sail.
driftinwoods
Well-Known Member
Gimme the open bag. I need someone that can fit under the car and hold the transmission while I line up the bolts.
-Talking Baby
A baby was born with the ability to talk.
The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you my mom?"
"Why, yes!" his mother said. "I am!"
"Well," the baby said, "I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born."
Then he looks around the room and says, "Are you my doctor?"
"Yes, I am!" says the doctor.
"Well, I just wanted to thank you," says the baby, "for taking such good care of me during the delivery."
"You're very welcome," says the doctor.
The baby looks around the room and says, "Hey, are you my father?"
Overcome with pride, his dad says, "Yes, I am!"
The baby says, "Come here for a minute. I want to show you something. Bend down."
The father complies, and the baby starts poking him in the forehead.
"How does that feel?! Hurts, doesn't it?"
A baby was born with the ability to talk.
The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you my mom?"
"Why, yes!" his mother said. "I am!"
"Well," the baby said, "I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born."
Then he looks around the room and says, "Are you my doctor?"
"Yes, I am!" says the doctor.
"Well, I just wanted to thank you," says the baby, "for taking such good care of me during the delivery."
"You're very welcome," says the doctor.
The baby looks around the room and says, "Hey, are you my father?"
Overcome with pride, his dad says, "Yes, I am!"
The baby says, "Come here for a minute. I want to show you something. Bend down."
The father complies, and the baby starts poking him in the forehead.
"How does that feel?! Hurts, doesn't it?"
driftinwoods
Well-Known Member
I like bird hunting myself.
driftinwoods
Well-Known Member
