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Jokes
- Thread starter Floorist
- Start date
Help Support Flooring Forum - DIY & Professional:
Nick
In Remembrance
What ? No Diving sign . 
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I like the Zits comic strip. Todays strip almost made me wet myself. My granddaughter made stir fry last week. She didn't get the cartoon boyfriend had to explain it to her.
http://www.arcamax.com/thefunnies/zits/?morec=1
Daris
http://www.arcamax.com/thefunnies/zits/?morec=1
Daris
The Rock can do it.
Daris
Daris
Actual sign.
Having a rough day?
Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world,".
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.
8. See, you're smiling already.
Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world,".
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.
8. See, you're smiling already.
Nick
In Remembrance
It works !
DennisT
Well-Known Member
Simple, eh?
Clear as mud
Don't use violence here
The AMA and NZMA has declared that the long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered.
Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research.
It is now projected that by the year 2015 there will be fifty million people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what they are for.
Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research.
It is now projected that by the year 2015 there will be fifty million people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what they are for.
In Japan, the fat intake in the average Japanese diet is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
However, in France, the average fat intake is very high, and yet, the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
In India almost no one drinks red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
In Spain, everybody drinks too much red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
In Algeria, the average sexual activity ratio is very high and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
In Brazil, everybody has sex like crazy and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
In Austria, adults smoke 2 packs of cigarettes per day, on average.
Conclusion: Drink, eat, smoke and sex all you want. It's speaking English that kills you
However, in France, the average fat intake is very high, and yet, the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
In India almost no one drinks red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
In Spain, everybody drinks too much red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
In Algeria, the average sexual activity ratio is very high and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
In Brazil, everybody has sex like crazy and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.
In Austria, adults smoke 2 packs of cigarettes per day, on average.
Conclusion: Drink, eat, smoke and sex all you want. It's speaking English that kills you
For Highup
A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.
"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"
Being a 'kind-hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the heck..., I'll treat her!"
So, they walked past it again...
"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"
Being a 'kind-hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the heck..., I'll treat her!"
So, they walked past it again...
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