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Jokes
- Thread starter Floorist
- Start date
Help Support Flooring Forum - DIY & Professional:
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Senior trying to set a password
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAs..IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAs..IfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
Daris
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAs..IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAs..IfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
Daris
Super Bowl
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago
Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good
quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the
Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a
ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in
Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a
young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He
threw a hand- grenade straight into a 15th story window 100
yards away. KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a
chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to
himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great
game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football,
and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man
wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won
the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman
says. You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the
young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting
event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my
adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts.
"At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us.
The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were
beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have
to keep your sister in the house so she
doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then
tearfully says,
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!!!!
Daris
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago
Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good
quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the
Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a
ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in
Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a
young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He
threw a hand- grenade straight into a 15th story window 100
yards away. KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a
chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to
himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great
game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football,
and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man
wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won
the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman
says. You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the
young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting
event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my
adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts.
"At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us.
The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were
beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have
to keep your sister in the house so she
doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then
tearfully says,
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!!!!
Daris
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I'd like to thank Floorist, Nick and Ernesto for whatever:
https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd...._=1412794845_3f6216256543ffd90e1c0b4bac9ed561
Daris
https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd...._=1412794845_3f6216256543ffd90e1c0b4bac9ed561
Daris
Nick
In Remembrance
You're Welcome. I'd post a witty reply, but i can't think of anything. 
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How peanut butter is made
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LOL. The Miss Piggy one is slaying me.
Good ones!
Here's my contribution for the day:
A lonely eagle decided that he needed a mate. There were no other eagles around so he flew off in search of the next best thing.
As he flew over the plains he saw a loon. He swooped down, grabbed it, took it back to his nest and then said "What are you?" The loon replied "I'm a loon. I like to spoon." He looked at her for a moment then said "You're too strange for me" so he kicked her out of the nest.
Next he flew over the forest and saw a dove. He swooped down, grabbed it , took it back to his nest and asked "What are you?" The dove replied "I'm a dove. I like to love." He looked her over and said "You're too small for me." before punting her out of the nest.
Then he flew over a lake when he looked down and saw a beautiful duck. He swooped down, grabbed it, took it back to his nest and asked "What are you?" The duck replied "I'm a drake! You've made a mistake!"
Good ones!
Here's my contribution for the day:
A lonely eagle decided that he needed a mate. There were no other eagles around so he flew off in search of the next best thing.
As he flew over the plains he saw a loon. He swooped down, grabbed it, took it back to his nest and then said "What are you?" The loon replied "I'm a loon. I like to spoon." He looked at her for a moment then said "You're too strange for me" so he kicked her out of the nest.
Next he flew over the forest and saw a dove. He swooped down, grabbed it , took it back to his nest and asked "What are you?" The dove replied "I'm a dove. I like to love." He looked her over and said "You're too small for me." before punting her out of the nest.
Then he flew over a lake when he looked down and saw a beautiful duck. He swooped down, grabbed it, took it back to his nest and asked "What are you?" The duck replied "I'm a drake! You've made a mistake!"
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