Jokes

Discussion in 'The Bucket' started by Floorist, Jun 9, 2014.

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  1. Feb 5, 2019 #1541

    Nick

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    I watch all his on the Johnny Carson .. Just u tube it ..
     
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  2. Feb 8, 2019 #1542

    highup

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  3. Feb 8, 2019 #1543

    highup

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    My wife's cooking is so bad, the flies got together and patched the hole in the screen door.
    He was a riot. Nobody else could have played his part in Caddy Shack.
     
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  4. Feb 8, 2019 #1544

    Nick

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    unnamed.jpg
     
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  5. Feb 8, 2019 #1545

    Nick

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  6. Feb 9, 2019 #1546

    zannej

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    I think that image got cut off. Did it say something like "I told you I'd be ready in 15 minutes so why are you calling me every half hour?"
     
  7. Feb 9, 2019 #1547

    Nick

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    It was one minute .. Don't know why it got cut off ..
     
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  8. Feb 9, 2019 #1548

    DarisMulkin

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    A guy walks into a barber shop.

    He says to the barber, “Sir how can I make hair grow on my chest?”
    The barber replies, “Go home and put Vaseline on your chest real thick…”
    That night the young man does as the barber told him.
    His partner climbs into bed and reaches over to hold him and feels the slime on his chest..he says, “What the hell is this?”
    The other man replies, “The barber told me that if I put Vaseline on my chest hair would grow…”
    His partner replies,
    “You stupid son of a bit**, if that were the case you would have a damn ponytail hanging out of your ass.
     
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  9. Feb 10, 2019 #1549

    Don Monfils

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    Jesus :eek:
    upload_2019-2-9_20-37-4.jpeg
     
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  10. Feb 11, 2019 #1550

    Nick

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    1127747107_WedMAXINE.jpg.8a6bf24938237226feac1d9d6c2fa171.jpg
     
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  11. Feb 11, 2019 #1551

    Nick

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    Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up
    One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask if we're open."
    Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in aloud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"
    One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling assholes."
    Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left!"
    Seniors -- don't mess with them, They didn't get old by being stupid...
     
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  12. Feb 12, 2019 at 1:15 AM #1552

    DarisMulkin

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  13. Feb 12, 2019 at 2:22 AM #1553

    Floorist

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    Looks like Nick.
     
  14. Feb 12, 2019 at 5:20 AM #1554

    DarisMulkin

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    I was thinking the same thing. Kind of sounds like him too!
     
  15. Feb 12, 2019 at 5:46 AM #1555

    Nick

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    He does have my clubs ..
     
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  16. Feb 12, 2019 at 12:31 PM #1556

    Floorist

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    At a construction site in Chicago, there are two young construction workers from Honduras, Luis & Enrique. They get to know each other, and find that both had grown up in the outskirts of Téguz. They become friends, and eat lunch together every day. Being poor, the sandwich in their boxes is usually PB&J, and often a bit light on both the PB and the J.

    Then one day Enrique sees that Luis is eating a fat sandwich filled with several heavy slices of meat. "Hola, Lucho, that looks really good...what kind of meat is it?"

    Luis replies, "It's rabbit, Quique. I thought you might like it, so I brought one for you, too. You want it?"

    "Vaya, amigo -- sure!" They munch in satisfaction until the last morsels are gone. "Hey, Lucho, where do you get the rabbits, and how can you afford 'em?"

    Luis smiles, "I don't buy 'em. I shoot 'em. I use a 22 rifle, short ammunition, almost no noise. I wait in the alley behind my apartment in the evening, and pretty soon they come out and go 'meow'
     
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  17. Feb 12, 2019 at 1:20 PM #1557

    Nick

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    Always wondered what a rabbit sounded like .. :D
     
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  18. Feb 13, 2019 at 3:39 PM #1558

    zannej

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    When rabbits do make sounds (usually under duress) they squeal like pigs. For the most part they are quiet and will thump the floor for communication.
     
  19. Feb 13, 2019 at 3:54 PM #1559

    Floorist

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    It almost sounds like a scream/squeal. Scares the crap out of my dog.
     
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  20. Feb 14, 2019 at 12:38 AM #1560

    Don Monfils

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    I hit a rabbit with my snowblower last week.
    It was buried under the snow and stiff as a board. I think a fox or cyotee must have gotten him.
     
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