Jokes

Discussion in 'The Bucket' started by Floorist, Jun 9, 2014.

Help Support Flooring Forum by donating:

  1. Aug 23, 2019 #1701

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    11,462
    Likes Received:
    4,124
    Location:
    , Missouri
    An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

    His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

    A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

    After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

    Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

    Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

    He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

    Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

    The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

    The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
     
    zannej likes this.
  2. Aug 27, 2019 #1702

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    11,462
    Likes Received:
    4,124
    Location:
    , Missouri
  3. Aug 28, 2019 #1703

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    Professional Pro

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Davison, Mi, Michigan
    [​IMG]
     
    zannej likes this.
  4. Sep 6, 2019 #1704

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    11,462
    Likes Received:
    4,124
    Location:
    , Missouri
    Steak.jpg
     
    zannej likes this.
  5. Sep 6, 2019 #1705

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    11,462
    Likes Received:
    4,124
    Location:
    , Missouri
    No open carry at Walmart. No guys in speedos with a coonskin cap and flip flops with guns. Gonna miss that.
     
    zannej likes this.
  6. Sep 6, 2019 #1706

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    Professional Pro

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Davison, Mi, Michigan
    [​IMG]
     
    zannej likes this.
  7. Sep 6, 2019 #1707

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    11,462
    Likes Received:
    4,124
    Location:
    , Missouri
    69830233_2358352221072714_4828866180825481216_n.jpg
     
    zannej likes this.
  8. Sep 6, 2019 #1708

    zannej

    zannej

    zannej

    Professional Pro

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2014
    Messages:
    1,520
    Likes Received:
    330
    Location:
    ,
    LOL! Squirrel Helper reminds me of the time my class took a field trip to DC & the White House. There were squirrels on the lawn & while we were standing outside the security checkpoint to be let in for the tour, we started calling to them & saying "Here gumbo gumbo gumbo".
     
  9. Sep 6, 2019 #1709

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    11,462
    Likes Received:
    4,124
    Location:
    , Missouri
    Squirrel is good. but I like rabbit a lot better.
     
    zannej and DarisMulkin like this.
  10. Sep 6, 2019 #1710

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    11,462
    Likes Received:
    4,124
    Location:
    , Missouri
    Besides squirrel and rabbit, I have eaten deer, elk, bear, beaver, coon, possum, turtle and rattlesnake. And probably others as a kid.
     
    zannej and DarisMulkin like this.
  11. Sep 7, 2019 #1711

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    Professional Pro

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Davison, Mi, Michigan
    The bad part about squirrel is they are a bitch to skin. Squirrel, rabbit, and cat skinned you can't tell them apart. So think of that when you eat some next time.
    So if you bite it and it goes meow then you know its cat.
     
    zannej likes this.
  12. Sep 7, 2019 #1712

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    Professional Pro

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Davison, Mi, Michigan
    upload_2019-9-7_7-38-23.png
     
    zannej and Floorist like this.
  13. Sep 7, 2019 #1713

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    Professional Pro

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Davison, Mi, Michigan
  14. Sep 11, 2019 #1714

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    11,462
    Likes Received:
    4,124
    Location:
    , Missouri
    too big.jpg
     
    zannej likes this.
  15. Sep 13, 2019 at 12:16 AM #1715

    zannej

    zannej

    zannej

    Professional Pro

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2014
    Messages:
    1,520
    Likes Received:
    330
    Location:
    ,
    I never understood why someone would ask "Does this make my butt look big" LOL. But then, I never cared. A lot of the stereotypical female tropes just boggle me. I mean, I've met women who act like that, but it has never made sense to me.
     
  16. Sep 13, 2019 at 12:27 AM #1716

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    DarisMulkin

    Professional Pro

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Davison, Mi, Michigan
    I've used the bla joke several times with friends. just teell them I'm going to the blah.
     
    zannej likes this.
  17. Sep 13, 2019 at 3:53 PM #1717

    havasu

    havasu

    havasu

    Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Supporting Member Lifetime Supporter Pro

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2011
    Messages:
    3,095
    Likes Received:
    771
    Location:
    Los Angeles, California
    Words the Kardashian's never uttered from their lips.
     
    zannej likes this.
  18. Sep 13, 2019 at 6:10 PM #1718

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Floorist

    Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2011
    Messages:
    11,462
    Likes Received:
    4,124
    Location:
    , Missouri
    Never did find them attractive.
     
    zannej and DarisMulkin like this.
  19. Sep 13, 2019 at 6:30 PM #1719

    Dan

    Dan

    Dan

    Professional Pro

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    338
    Likes Received:
    88
    Location:
    , MO
    Rather quite the opposite.
     
    zannej and DarisMulkin like this.
  20. Sep 14, 2019 at 6:05 AM #1720

    zannej

    zannej

    zannej

    Professional Pro

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2014
    Messages:
    1,520
    Likes Received:
    330
    Location:
    ,
    Aside from the sex tape, the only reason they are famous is bc they have links to the Armenian mob- "allegedly".
     

Share This Page