Jokes
- Thread starter Floorist
- Start date
Help Support Flooring Forum - DIY & Professional:
Kind of sad it needs to be that way but he's got a nice car and it doesn't look like a good time of night for a fill up without having some "assistance"
This is a video from Active Self Protection. It's a pretty cool site. They show video's , then offer advice on what happened and what should have been done differently or what has been done right after people have been assaulted, attacked, robbed or shot.
This is just a video short with no sound but damn it's funny...
...almost as funny as the videos comment section. I'm going to score the comments a strong 10.
While watching the video hum this song.
"Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting"
This is just a video short with no sound but damn it's funny...
...almost as funny as the videos comment section. I'm going to score the comments a strong 10.
While watching the video hum this song.
"Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting"
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
I'm guessing flu season has been retired?
I see they renamed Sanford and Sons.
Fred woulda liked the new name.
This guy is a hoot.
-Ouch
A woman goes to the doctor and says
"Doctor I want to have a baby but my husband is adamant that he doesn't want any children. What can I do?"
The doctor tells her that the next time she goes to have sex with her husband, take a sewing needle and poke holes in the tip of the condom.
A few days later the woman goes back to the doctor and says, "Doctor it didn't work, after I poked holes in the condom my husband didn't want to have sex anymore.
The doctor says, "Yes I just saw him earlier.
Next time do it before you put the condom on him."
A woman goes to the doctor and says
"Doctor I want to have a baby but my husband is adamant that he doesn't want any children. What can I do?"
The doctor tells her that the next time she goes to have sex with her husband, take a sewing needle and poke holes in the tip of the condom.
A few days later the woman goes back to the doctor and says, "Doctor it didn't work, after I poked holes in the condom my husband didn't want to have sex anymore.
The doctor says, "Yes I just saw him earlier.
Next time do it before you put the condom on him."
